DEAR ABBY: My wife has been away for some time caring for her sick parents. Since I was single, I decided to experiment with women’s clothing and discovered that I really enjoyed wearing leggings. They make very comfortable pajamas. I’ve also found that sports bras not only provide good compression, but also serve a purpose because I have enlarged breasts. Should I hide everything and remove my leggings and bras or should I let her in on some of my secrets? — MOVED TO CALIFORNIA

DEAR DRESSED UP: I don’t know what other “secrets” you’ve been hiding, but if they involve dressing up, you’re not the only man who’s discovered he likes wearing women’s clothes. You might be surprised to know that their wives help them with this. Your reasons for wanting to wear a sports bra and leggings seem practical. I see no reason to try to hide it from your wife.


DEAR ABBY: I am a widow. Four months ago I totaled my car and asked my friend “Stan” what help my husband would give. Stan was great and did so much. I was upset that he refused my offer of money, so I took him out to dinner one day.

A few weeks later, he invited me to dinner and took me to my favorite steakhouse. He and his longtime girlfriend were breaking up because she was selling the house and moving in with her son. We started going out to eat once or twice a week.

Abby, two months later he disappeared! I think I fell in love with him without even realizing it. Now he’s gone every weekend and it hurts so much. I’m trying to free myself. How could I fall in love so easily? — DIDN’T EXPECT THIS

DEAR DID NOT WAIT: You were vulnerable and Stan was there and seemed ready to step in and fill the void left by your husband’s death. That’s how you fall in love with someone who was, I guess, a long-time trusted friend.

Maybe Stan was dating someone, had other commitments, or didn’t feel ready to go out with you. The fact that he didn’t tell you the reason for his disappearance is disappointing, but it happens. Please don’t beat yourself up about it. You have done nothing wrong. These disappointments are a part of life.


DEAR ABBIE: I have been married to a abusive woman for 49 years. To the outside world she seems perfect, but behind closed doors she is hideous. She reacts angrily to the slightest problem and jumps at my throat when I ask her the simplest question. She complains about my bad memory and hearing. I’m 75 and in good shape except for my stomach, which she often makes fun of. I have recommended couples therapy but she refuses to go. Please help me. — ABOLISHED IN ARIZONA

DEAR COMBED: Therapy would be a good idea. Since your wife refuses to go, you may find it helpful to talk to a mental health professional. While this won’t solve her problems, it might help you get to the bottom of yours. Chief among them would be to figure out why you have put up with your wife’s verbal abuse for nearly half a century and decide what, if anything, to do about it. Please don’t wait.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order How to Have a Beautiful Wedding. Send your name and mailing address and a check or money order for $8 (US funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)


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